We are mothers and truth be told, raising a child is not a
task for the fickle minded especially when that child is not a quiet one but a
hyperactive human being.
It gets to that point when they have stopped being infants
and graduated to toddlers and preschoolers; then it’s time for some
disciplinary measures to be put in place. A saying goes, train up a child in
the way that he should go and when he grows up, he will not depart from it. Opinions
of parents differ as to when to start disciplining a child.
While some have claimed that they started teaching their
babies right from wrong as early as 2 weeks old, others believe discipline
should properly commence by 6 months. It varies from one parent to another but
hey, do it as it works for you so long as you don’t get it done late.
Another question that has come in with parents is the mode
of discipline. A woman complained on Babycenter website that when she’s with
her daughter and she does something that needs disciplining, she usually gives
her time-outs but she is worried that her husband resorts to spanking the
child. She is also more worried of the fact that she feels he should not spank
her but can’t say because she is his daughter too.
Many people shared their views with responses below…
Mum A:
I see nothing wrong with a little spanking every once in a while. My children
are 3 and 5 and extremely well behaved. Spanking is a last resort; however they
both know that if they don't listen after a time out in the corner, then the
spanking comes next. Yes my children are scared of the spanking punishment, but
isn't that the point?
After a time out or a spanking my husband and I always
talk to them about why they got punished. Not once did they not understand what
they did wrong or why they got spanked. Neither of my children EVER hit, push
nor bully any other children or each other as a result of spanking. They know
that spanking and time-outs are what grown-ups do to misbehaving children and
that they should never hit anyone out of anger. Our spankings are never hard
and never leave a mark. It's just the thought that upsets them.
There is
nothing wrong with a child fearing their parents if they do something wrong. If
they didn't have some sort of fear, then they wouldn't care whether or not what
they are doing is wrong. If adults didn't fear authority, then what is
preventing from breaking the law? I think I would laugh if a police officer or
judge talked to me calmly after breaking the law and just gave a time out in my
room where I could comfortably watch tv and relax. Come to think of it I think
that would be kind of nice...a chance to do what I wanted. We never spank hard
and like I said, it's rare, but they know it's there.
My kids know they are
loved, as we show them every day and unconditionally. I think society is
becoming way to soft on misbehaving children, that’s why you always see kids in
the store stamping their feet and throwing a temper tantrum because they don't
get what they want. They know as soon as they get home they get their nice
little punishment in their cozy little room, in cozy little bed and may even
get a short nap out of the deal. My son acted up once in the store and never
did it again, and yes he never did it again out of fear(ooo theres that bad
word again) of getting a spanking when we get home. Now every time they are
good in the store they know that there is chocolate milk and cookies at the end
of the rainbow.
Mum B: I noticed
that my husband disciplines based on how he was raised as a child. I didn't
like the way I was disciplined as a child so I read up on what experts say
about discipline these days. I learned a lot about child development and I can
see for myself the negative effects (if any!) "old fashion"
discipline will have on my 2 yr old. For example- if a 2y.o. doesn't fully grasp
actions have consequences yet, the wrong punishment will make the kid
miserable, but he won't learn anything from it. And if he doesn't learn
anything from it, what's the point of making the whole family suffer?
My
husband does feel bad when I don't let him discipline his children his way, but
I firmly believe that healthy, CONSISTENT disciplining will be ultimately
better for our children. I also think it will save a lot of grief later when
our son figures out how to play the 2 of us against each other...you know-
"But Mommy says...!" But on the issue of spanking, there is a HUGE
difference between spanking as corporal punishment and beating a child because
an adult can't control their own raging emotions. A swat on the butt sends a
loud and clear message- Mom's had enough! Beating a kid with a shoe repeatedly
for something like not sharing is terrorism. And as far as I know, spanking has
always been accepted, in every culture, in every age.
Commenter A: My suggestion is to keep the yelling
down and use spanking as a last resort. If you continue to use these methods of
discipline your children will have a hard time coping with them. They may
become afraid of you or they will openly rebel. In either case you may end up
losing their trust and they won't come to you for help when they should. They
fear reprisal when they need positive attention.
How will you be when your
child at age 16 calls you for help at 4am when she is stuck somewhere where she
knows she shouldn't be. If she is afraid of you she won't call and may do
something even more unwise. Patience is key. If you endeavor to use it, they
will also learn it and they will also learn to trust you. Create the boundaries
and stick to them but without constant yelling or corporal forms of punishment.
Mum C: ok -
regardless of your approval of spanking or not, the real issue here is
communication. You and your husband need to sit down together when your daughter
is not around and discuss what type of punishment you both feel should be used
and when. The important thing here is to be consistent and present a
"united front" to your daughter. Never criticize your husband's
discipline in front of your daughter. She may learn to use it against you. By
having consistency, your daughter will know what to expect and more than
likely, the behavior issues will help themselves. Don't forget to include a
discussion on positive reinforcement and time-ins! My son is best when he has
had praise for something that day and input into his day.
The above are just people’s feelings as to the sort of
punishment that is suitable for a child and how parents can decide which mode
of discipline to adapt to.
Mums, I am throwing the floor open for you to share your
views on child discipline. Do you and your husband have a particular way you
discipline your child? How effective has it been? Do you have problems with the
way someone else or your spouse disciplines your child?
You can also share success stories for us all to learn and
see if we can implement subtle methods of disciplining our babies.
Drop your comments please…
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